Blowback Interview William Taylor Part 2 Blowback so I guess we can pick up where we left off. Blowback you are William Taylor sounds good. I'm up for it. Blowback so you conceded that thoughts of eternity and fame and man's search for meaning in life has in some manner floated in your head lately William Taylor yes...i've been pondering such things pretty frequently as of late. Blowback you are approaching forty and if you live to be 80 you are basically approaching an all downhill slide in terms of your physicality. How do you handle the thought you will only basically deteriorate from now until death? William Taylor seek. Heavy stuff. I guess I look to role models for guidance..I'm a big biography reader..I've read many books on the lives of people and artists that I’ve admired..I take note on how other people have dealt with the later years of their lives, and some people do it with grace and style..you degenerate physically, of course, but you can grow William Taylor Creatively and physically..I read..I take notes..ha. William Taylor creatively and spiritually, I mean. Blowback I like your answer a lot. I actually, find it ironic that you and I both take this approach to the question I asked. William Taylor it seems to make sense. William Taylor learn from the people that have gone before you. Blowback my mom, tells me that I burden myself too much with questions that have no definite answers and advises me basically to just stop thinking about it. But my response is that if God exists, it is doubtful a contemplative capacity was provided for with the expectation it would not be used. Some people just don't seem to get that people enjoy the search for the elusive big answers. What do you think as a poet on this? William Taylor I think that's what a lot of artists do, writers, visual artists, what have you..they ask the questions that don't necessarily have answers...they think about them too much, perhaps so other, more well-adjusted people, don't have to...but it is important to ask the questions... Blowback well I confess to sometimes feeling paralyzed by the implications of the various contradictory reflections on all of these type of questions and ask myself, to these so called "more simple" minded people, insofar as they don't bother too much with that, have a wisdom I’m overlooking William Taylor yeah..that is something I contemplate as well..thinking too much paralyzes one to an extent, and prevents one from action..every thought can be countered by the next one..Kafka's writing deals with this almost constantly, and Dostoyevsky touched upon it very wonderfully in Notes From The Underground. Blowback yes I have learned to seek some kind of homeostasis, total atonement of these heavy dilemmas, then lapsing back into the inevitable reindulging of it all, because my personality is, I can't feel happy unless I contemplate all of it. lol William Taylor it's difficult if you are one of those inclined to think too much, ..there's the theory that artists are just hyper sensitive to experience..and perhaps there's so truth in that...The artist as sick person..Kurt Vonnegut, I think likened Celine to someone that was missing their skin...and all of experience was just excruciating....there's some truth in this, I think. Blowback yes, the artistic personality and all its varieties is something very significant in terms of why poets do what they do, but I see it very seldom talked about too much. Blowback I just recently read the stranger, and found myself really loving the novel, and all the ideas within it. I got excited and riled up with the defiance of it. It seems as you just mentioned. A taste for great literature will do this for many who feel compelled by it all. William Taylor true..I love the stranger as well...the final lines are some of my favorites from any book.."and all there was left to hope was that on the day of his execution he be greeted with howls of exultation." or something like that..,. brilliant. Blowback I’ve noticed that artists tend to have strange personalities vis a vis the so called "normal" world, but as much as commonalities seem to exist that are universal, I’m more amazed at the real diversity and differences that set them apart from one another. I don't think many non artists who don't hang around artists realize this. Blowback artists tend to realize they are different that is the most universal, and feel special, often egotistical, many idealistic, but after that they really go in so many directions William Taylor Very true...I guess what artists have in common is that they are "different" somehow, and they know and feel it, and so do the people around them..but it definitely takes different forms, and takes us all down different paths..but that keeps it all so interesting... Blowback I’m glad you like stranger too. I loved that showdown with the priest in the end. It made me laugh William Taylor most artists seem to share a superiority/inferiority complex, to an extent. Blowback Yes this is true! William Taylor Yeah. It's one of those passages I've read, a many, MANY TIMES..i LOVE IT. Blowback I personally can take only so much hanging around "artist" types, because I first distinguish between phony artists and all the fake varieties, and the real ones. But then at some point I get annoyed and feel I have to "escape" into the rest of the world who might care less about art. It refreshes me. William Taylor yeah..I agree..I don't really make it a point to hang out with other" artists" I have friends who are artists that I connect with and love to be with..but I don't like to hang out at the cafes and talk about my "art"... Blowback it’s great to have moments when you can cite a poem, or passage of a novel like we just did with the showdown with the priest in the stranger or a film moment and connect with the shared joy of the brilliance of it, and to know you’re not the only one who sees it. I guess that's what all artists hope they can produce with their works in others. William Taylor yeah,that's my whole goal, as far as my writing is concerned..I have read things that have had such a profound impact on the way I see the world, and the way I understand what it is to be human... William Taylor I like to imagine that my own work might, in its own small way have some effect on others... William Taylor it's like trying to connect with people you've never had the chance to meet, to say, "this is what it means to me to be human..does this make any sense to you?" Blowback well absolutely it does, once again, it drives me too Blowback many people say that "they don't regret anything they've done" or fatalistically say "it was meant to be" and that mostly pisses me off. It seems to me like a fools refuge. If you are almost half way done with your life lol, (assuming you live to be 80) what do you look back and regret? Blowback I should officially say I have lots of regrets!!! Blowback they sometimes haunt me William Taylor o, don't get me started..yeah..I agree..I hate people who don't regret things...it's like a denial of sorts... I regret a helluva lot... people should regret more and be more ashamed of themselves on a regular basis.... William Taylor it would be more honest, I think. Blowback denial is the perfect word Blowback well indulge me and be truthful about at least one regret! William Taylor hmmm...generally I regret not being closer to lot of people who are no longer in my life..I tend to keep people at a distance...and when they are gone I realize how much they have meant to me..but that's a rather common and boring regret...but it tends to be the one that I deal with the most. Blowback I see you are married. Obviously in this instance you overcame that. How did that happen? William Taylor by none of my own doing, ha. My wife asked me out on our first date..and she ended up being the one that proposed to me. So, I can't really take credit for any of it. Blowback I’m around your age, and you have a younger wife. I have a beautiful girlfriend now and often I say to myself I better enjoy this while it lasts, because I’m going to get older and older, and no matter how good I age, hot young girls ain't going to dig me. You'll only get them if you buy them as whores. Does these kind of thoughts ever hit you? William Taylor Well, that's a hard truth all men have to eventually face...as they get older the "young hot girls" have less and less use for them, but it's the natural way of things..people are attracted to those who can be of use to them...such is life,,, Blowback I say this because sexuality has always been a major preoccupation of my mind in all its complexities and as I’m getting older many of the assumptions I’ve always had about it in relation to my life I realize down the road are going to shift. Blowback it kind of scares me! lol William Taylor yeah..it's all very complicated...and scary, for sure, but we all, men and women deal with it..we have no choice...like death and taxes, I reckon. Blowback so how will you choose to deal with it? William Taylor Well, as you've mentioned, I'm married, and I love my wife, So I don't have to be so concerned about the continued ability to attract young women...but again, it's something we all wrestle with..for one thing, I've recently joined a gym..ha... Blowback so you agree with my mantra, as you age and realize the future limitations, appreciate it more than ever and indulge it while its there and lasts? Blowback I too do the gym thing now trying to delay the inevitable. lol William Taylor well, yes, for sure. I think about it that way as well..health in general..it's very good to appreciate and take advantage of it while you can..aging is definitely a scary thing...but..what can ya do? Blowback you and I are of an age where we grew up in the 70s and 80s and nobody ever heard of the internet, not to mention so many "vital" new technologies. I’m sure you remember being in the 70s with 6 stations and your dad using you as the remote control to turn the TV dial, and rotary phones when you actually remembered not programmed peoples telephone numbers so.... Blowback how do you feel about having your poems out there and having say "employers" or such looking at all your stuff and how this could potentially cause problems in your life for you. Blowback being "Googled" to snooping eyes William Taylor WEll..I have no problems with having my poems out there..I mean, that's the point, right? A lot of my writing is very autobiographical, and I suppose potentially c could cause me some trouble with potential employers, but it's nothing I'm too concerned about...I don't plan on running for president or anything... Blowback you could understand why someone might be concerned? William Taylor I suppose. But, again, for me, that's kind of the point..I like "exposing" myself through my writing...it's how you really connect with people..writing about the part of your experience that isn't always discussed in polite company...I've found it can be more difficult on a personal rather than professional level. Blowback in what way? William Taylor I express some things in my writing that I don't necessarily feel comfortable with talking about on a regular basis...I mean, just because I put something in a poem doesn't mean I feel like talking about it, ya know? It's complicated... William Taylor and a lot of my writing tends to be kind of dark, or contemplative, or sad or whatever, and this can be a concern for family and friends.... Blowback I just read your poem A Bad Night, as you typed that answer. So I guess I know what you mean! lol William Taylor exactly. ha. Blowback I can't believe you think Elvis and Led Zeppelin suck!!! Blowback (for readers not reading poem, its in the poem) William Taylor Well..I don't think Elvis sucked...people just assume I like him because we have similar hairstyles..it get's old after a while..but Zeppelin never appealed to me..they just seemed like rock stars...nothing they did ever spoke to me... Blowback it seems that song communication break down would speak to you. I love those Jimmy Page riffs they sometimes don't want to leave your head! lol William Taylor I get shit for not liking Zeppelin all the time..ha. Blowback I find Robert Plant's lyrics actually many times poetic, like I find John Lennon's, and Don Henley’s, and Kurt Cobain's, and Billy Corgan's, and .......many others William Taylor yeah..it may well be I never gave them much of a chance... it's a gut reaction..I just don't much care for Robert Plant...just like I don't enjoy the Who as much as I should because I just don't like Roger Daltry.. Blowback I love get thrilled when you have mergers of great lyrics, great music, great videos, with a kind of spirit of the times Zeitgeist, like I felt with Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit, and say Smashing Pumpkins Bullet With Butterfly Wings, those songs really grabbed me and reflected how I felt at the time perfectly Blowback (although I was not a teenager when smells like teen spirit came out I was in mid 20s and found it a wonderful, ironic glimpse back! lol William Taylor Yeah..I dig both of those...I'm a big Nirvana fan..I mean, Nevermind was the big album..but it was a bit too slick and over produced...In Utero was them reaching their full potential..a brilliant devastating work. So powerful their best album and very underrated. Blowback the grunge thing, slacker film, Generation X book, NIN Downward Spiral, I was so happy guys my age where doing things that really represented how I thought, I loved it William Taylor yup..Downard Spiral I love as well..and I am part of that generation..and I hate to be a stereotype, but the whole slacker, Gen X thing reverberates. Blowback yes it absolutely did to me too! I think we as a generation made a statement that I am happy with, although obviously we are still evolving with lots more to go before we fade into history! lol Blowback when Kurt Cobain blew his head off I cannot exaggerate how blown away I was by all the implications of that. I was one of the most unforgettable days of my life, it was in so many ways a mirror to my face. That's how I felt, William Taylor yeah..I felt it too..and you know, Cobain and Bukowski died within a few days of each other...it was a hard week for me...ha. Blowback yes I remember reading a tiny two paragraph mention of it in the Akron Beacon Journal about Bukowski's death, and I remember thinking, such a monumental man, and just a little story. It felt sad and strange to me William Taylor yeah, it was sad and strange...I think I heard about Bukowski's death on MTV, of all places...not much mention of it elsewhere in the mainstream media... Blowback you mentioned earlier that you had a Bukowski phase. Just what was that about in more detail? William Taylor o, you know..I was introduced to Buk in my early 20's I think..and once I discovered him I read him fairly regularly for quite some time..years...it had a definite effect on my writing... Blowback well I too had a discovery in mid twenties and he too had gigantic influence, he is tricky for some because many like to try to be wannabe Bukowski's which seems pathetic and imitators of his poetry, there is only one Bukowski William Taylor yeah, Bukowski is responsible for a lot of bad writing, but it wasn't his fault... Blowback one second William Taylor sure. Blowback yes that is true exactly, you can' t blame him at all its not his fault. Its like you can't blame James Dean for so many of the phonies that cop him too William Taylor exactly. Blowback I see you write some things that someone could say "he looks like a Bukowski guy" you have a lot of poems featuring the drinking life William Taylor yeah...again, Bukowski definitely has influenced my work... and I drink, so I do write about it as part of my experience...but I don't think I glorify it as Bukowski sometimes did..but the influence is there..I once got a n angry letter from some guy who called me a "pretty boy Bukowski wannabe" or some such thing... Blowback does that bother you? William Taylor not so much now, but at the time it might've a bit...as I think I mentioned, in the past I discarded some of my work because it was too Bukowski..so it's something I was definitely conscious of... but my work has always been honest...Bukowski influenced or not... Blowback its dangerous to write about drinking after Bukowski but it can be done. It certainly is a valid and important life aspect, for instance, I love the film Leaving Las Vegas, utterly compelling to me, (I want to read the novel but haven't yet) and I never felt the ghost of Bukowski haunting that. I felt it was its own creation. William Taylor well, people wrote about drinking before Bukowski and they will continue to do so...writers are the biggest group of drunks imaginable... Blowback yes that's true, I also think of one of my all time favorites, possibly favorite novel A Fan's Notes by Frederick Exelely. I give that the Rave of Raves, and it is very idiosyncratic. William Taylor I've heard of it, but never read it... Blowback well do yourself a favor and run to the bookstore and buy it. I really can't exaggerate how much I love that novel. And if you are a writer especially, its off the charts great. PLEASE GO BUY IMMEDIATELY. lol William Taylor well..that sounds like a recommendation ..maybe I'll put that on my next thing to read list. William Taylor I definitely will. Blowback oh really, I am not at all exaggerating how much I love that. It took me so long to read, because I found myself reading, then rereading, and rereading again, so many paragraphs, the shear brilliance of the sentences, and the overwhelming personality that rages through the pages, and the defiance of it is mesmerizing. I will be shocked if you are disappointed in it. William Taylor you've sold me. It's Next on my list. Blowback I’m surprised how this book is not more famous. It has a fanatical following but I’m amazed at how many writers have heard of it but never read it or never even heard of it. Blowback the novel by the way incorporates the struggles of a heavy drinker Blowback he is very alienated by life and searches for fame and meaning in the universe. lol William Taylor I’ve worked at a few bookstores in my time, so I'm definitely familiar with it..but never knew much about it. Blowback well I am very eager to hear your opinion of this novel for sure. William Taylor I'll definitely give it to you..ha. Blowback another one I love is the Confederacy of Dunces William Taylor yeah..I love that one as well. But A Fan's Note's is greater, I truly think it might be my favorite novel ever. Blowback but anyway enough of that, but please do take my recommendation and I guarantee you you will email me and thank me for the advice. lol William Taylor okay..I got one for you...have you read Something Happened by Joseph Heller? Blowback no but I know of it. William Taylor One of the best books I've ever read..amazing....you'll either love it or hate it..but it's amazing..more important than Catch 22 by far..so says I. Blowback well I can go to bookstore and take it if you give it a rave. I’ m not even sure I know what its about. Blowback I hope its not a Gravity's Rainbow or Ulysses. lol I have tried numerous times to read those and just find them both infinitely unreadable. lol William Taylor I definitely recommend it..it's kinda hard to describe...a harsh portrait of post WW2 America from the point of view of a dysfunctional family...no..nothing like Joyce or Pynchon..very readable.. Blowback you agree with me on Rainbow and Ulysses? William Taylor well..yes..I own both of those books and have yet to finish them...but I will , ha. Blowback its like torture. lol that's cruel Blowback I like some of the Dubliners! and haven't tried The crying of Lot 49 or any other Pynchon. lol William Taylor I like Joyce...just haven’t made it though Ulysses yet.. Pynchon, I've yet to form an opinion about one way or another... Blowback how do you feel about the impact of the internet? Its amazing to me how it has turned upside down the world, and you and I and everyone else never heard of it as late as 1990. You have teenagers now that think is was always there, and you and I both are still relatively young, and there is a such a gap between us and teenagers it seems insofar as how they perceive the world and what existed Blowback before they were born Blowback like the Cold War too, it means nothing to them William Taylor yeah..it is crazy...and I have mixed feelings about it's influence//overall it's very positve..so much information readily available and the ability to communicate with so with so many people so quickly..but there's a bit of the Luddite in me as well...I miss writing and receiving actual letters..and I don't think I'll ever own a cell phone... William Taylor but, again, it's the way of things...I think of older people who were born at the beginning of the 20th century...imagine all the change they experienced through their lifetime.... Blowback well there is something beautiful about the physicality, and personal expressiveness of the handwriting of a letter, not to mention thrill of seeing it or anticipating it in the mailbox, but the art of the email isn't THAT radically different than the art of the letter. Just faster, little different in form too. William Taylor I agree....but, as you said...there's not quite the same excitement as there is in waiting a week or so for that letter in the mail..the feel and smell of it..everything..as you said, young people today have no idea..it seems so strange, but there it is...and reading the "Collected Emails" of your favorite writer just doesn’t seem to hold the same weight... Blowback yes I think of my Grandparents, now all deceased, they were born before the Wright Brothers Flew at Kitty Hawk and they lived to see Jets, Man on the Moon, Atom Bombs, and myriad other changes. I found that amazing, and at my Grandmother's Funeral in 1996 I discussed this with some of my cousins, its really an amazing Century they saw, and we have a direct connection to them that kids now never had. Blowback I find an appalling historical ignorance in teenagers to me that while certainly existed in our teenage years, it seems to be worse than ever. Blowback a lot of teenagers can't tell time unless its on a digital clock! lol William Taylor it does seem so. My wife, (again, some 10 years younger than me) seems to think I exaggerate it a bit...but kids today do seem fairly ignorant and un interested in history in general...more so than in the past.. Blowback they can't add or subtract without a calculator, or give correct change, I’m not kidding, I have numerous teachers tell me this William Taylor I know...I'm not sure what to make of it all..i try to suspend judgment as best I can.. Blowback when I was first tasting music in the 70s, I wanted to hear everything I could, learn all I could present and past, now so many youth have no interest in the past at all. Its shocking to me. It's like uncool. and on top of that music is so tribalized more than ever. You like one thing and that's it. That’s what I see over and over among gigantic sections of teenagers William Taylor it's true..i notice that with music a lot as well...and I think faith in technology as an end and means is sorely misplaced..but that's another whole conversation.... Blowback I mention all this because I still feel very youthful in my thinking and yet so much youth itself doesn't even represent what I feel youth itself should represent, and I feel alienated from that. And I’m not my Dad or Grandma getting pissed off when I jacked up the AC/DC album, lol I don't look like an "old guy" at all. But I sometimes feel like it in relation to much of today's youth. lol William Taylor I'm right there with ya, man.