Turning 40 When I turned 30 it Bothered me Immensely. I dreaded that Number Perhaps Irrationally. I felt it represented Lost youth. When I was 20 I felt sad That my Teenage years Were now Officially Written And there Would never Be anything Ever to add. Opportunities missed Chances not taken Were Acknowledged As I looked to the Future. Would I make The same mistakes? Later I learned That Yes indeed I made some of them All over again And new ones too! My 20s were A wilderness to me And my 30s Were Unforgettable in Ways tragic And supreme. I did so many Things I felt i Didn't do earlier. Catching up On my dreams. But now I look at 40 And feel less Certain where I Want to go Than ever before. Ironically I feel wiser than I ever have But where has It got me? I think if I live To be 80, then My life is half Over. And my best Physical days Are over too. Youth gone. Slow Deterioration Coming. How can you look Forward to that? But I'll just Continue on And see what The future is And try to make Any sense of it Just like I am now. I'm searching for The meaning of life And I don't think I'll ever find it. Just Flashes Moments Revelations That hint of Some definitive Answer, But Always fade Back To Uncertainty Confusion Doubt.